Tuesday, November 03, 2009

The Last Train - performance night at the RM Hotel

'The Last Train' was the final reading for the Delusional Writer’s Imagined Performance Series, which ran concurrently with the Vancouver Writer’s Festival. An excited crowd packed the executive meeting room in the Rocky Mountainview Hotel on Hastings for the festivities. This was the best turn out so far for the reading series. But the event was almost shut down before it started when our M.C., Gordon Jefferies, drank some mushroom tea and walked down the hall naked, gesticulating wildly and trying to convince anyone who would listen that he was noted news anchor Knowlton Nash. The management threatened to throw everyone out; at the very least break some legs to show that they meant business. They said that they ran a tight ship and this freak-out behaviour was scaring away the Johns.

With things settled down, the evening began with the extreme clown crew, Industrial Bondage, taking the stage to warm up the crowd. “Drop and give me 20 of your best!” a purple-haired Doc Ravage shouted into a megaphone while the rest of the crew led those in attendance through a calisthenics routine.

I took the stage next. I read from an unfinished novel that, for the event, I translated into a language that I had invented. The language itself consisted of fart noises, burps, clicks and hoots. After 45 minutes, I took a bow and walked off stage for a well-earned bevvy. .

Next was Art Kravan, who gave a spectacular performance. He began with a wonderful riff on Wordsworth with his poem – “I wondered lonely as a crowd”. A few minutes into his set, his face became distorted and he began to moan. Clutching his stomach, he dropped to the floor shouting “I’m going to shit my pants!” He rolled and writhed across the stage, hands clutching his ass. The custodian and the stage manager came out and dragged him off the stage to great applause.

Jack Raggotte followed with a performance of his latest epic poem dedicated to the life of George Oppen, which he read with a Kazoo in his mouth. After 25 minutes, he threw the instrument into the audience and said “That’s better. Let me continue without that thing making all that racket.” He pulled an air horn from his pocket and continued to read. Each time he spoke, he blew the air horn, deafening the first 10 rows of the audience and, of course, preventing anyone from hearing what he was saying. Which I think was for the best as this work is much weaker than his poetic tribute to Louis Zukofsky.

The evening ended with Descending Light Explosion performing an 82-minute sound poetry piece. The three-man group started a cappella with their extended tribute to sound poetry innovators, Four Horsemen. They brought in their beat boxes for the next few pieces, “Lather up and rock the steam seat”, “Honey Jo” and “Did the funky again.” Things hit high gear when the Emetics took the stage with the trio and created a funkadelic wall of noise and sound for DLE’s epic “What? Now? Hello Tricky!”.

Now, that was a great way to end the night.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Paraphilia Magazine Issue V now available!

Hot off the presses! The new issue of Paraphilia Magazine is now available. Read it online or download it at:


Don't be a chump - Get your copy today!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Panel Discussion Cancelled

We had set up a panel discussion called “Parade of Assholes 10 years on - Was this chapbook intellectually obsolete as soon as it was printed?” However, this event was cancelled due to lack of interest and attendance from the panel members and audience alike.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Interview with an Important Writer

I ran into Alex Morgan at the Vancouver Writer's Festival. He is well established on the literary scene with a number of books of poetry and fiction to his credit. I asked if I could quickly interview him and he said yes (well, after asking which publication it would be for. I said it was for the Internet. He said he had heard of the Internet and felt it was one of the most important publications around today.)

OI: Your new book of poetry, Songs of the Northern Sky, has just been published. I haven't read it yet but I understand it's getting great reviews.

AM: Yes, I am an important writer. My book of poetry has just been published by a prestigious publishing house. It has been reviewed in the Globe & Mail and the Quill & Quire. They called it an important work. My agent is a very well-connected person.

OI: What influences help to mold your writing?

AM: My writing is influenced by Modernism. I create work that is both highly artistic and pushes peoples conceptions of art. Critics recognize my work as an important contribution to Canadian letters. I sit on the boards of many literary councils where I'm well respected for my views on literature and art.

OI: And Modernism? Any comments?

AM: Modernism is a very important movement in letters. It has deeply influenced my writing.

OI: Who's your favorite Modernist writer?

AM: T.S. Eliot is my favorite poet. He is an important figure in English literature.

OI: Anyone else?

AM: I can't think of any others right now.

OI: You’ve said Henry Miller is a big influence on your work. How so?

AM: By opening up the boundaries of literature, so I can push those boundaries even further. I am very interested in contemporary writing.

OI: What is your favorite Henry Miller book?

AM: I've read Tropic of Cancer, or was it Tropic of Capricorn? I can't remember. I saw the movie Henry and June three times. Miller is a great influence for me. I always try to push the boundaries of art.

[At this point, a young man sat down at the table. We make introductions.]

AM: This is Tim Stanton, my protégé. Under my tutelage, he is going to be a very important writer. Tell him what you're working on now, Tim.

TS: I've just finished an epic poem. It is a homage to Basil Bunting. I am working on my Ph.D. at a prestigious university where I study under a number of well-known scholars. We have spent several years doing important work on the poet Basil Bunting.

AM: It's work like this that keeps Canadian writing vibrant. People look to important writers like us for direction.

OI: Any plans for the near future?

AM: I will be reading at the Metro Bank - Earle Birney Main Stage tomorrow. A lot of other important writers will be there. I know Joseph Boyden and Douglas Coupland. I know every important writer in this country. I create important works of literature.

OI: Do you like giving readings?

AM: Poetry readings are the high point of cultural expression. It serves an important function for the community and allows me to make public my works. I've read with many other important writers.

OI: Like who?

AM: I can't remember whom right now, but they were very important and have had quite an influence on me.

OI: Are you working on a new book?

AM: Yes, it's a novel set in Vancouver called On the Edge. It is a cross between Ulysses and the Jerry Cornelius saga. It will be very cutting edge. I always try to push the boundaries of art.

TS: This new work will definitely take Canadian letters to a new level. Alex, we have to be running. The reading at the Ford Main Stage will be starting in fifteen minutes.

OI: Who is reading there tonight?

AM: I'm not sure, but the tickets were nearly $100 each. We have front row seats. There will be several agents from the top publishers there.

OI: Thank you very much for taking time to talk to me.

AM: The pleasure was all yours.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

12 hours of Sodom

Continuing my contribution to the Delusional Writer’s Imagined Performance Series running concurrently with the Vancouver Writer’s Festival, I did an extended performance at Captain’s Sub & Pizza shop called ‘12 Hours of Sodom’. This was a 12-hour reading from de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom. At 1pm, I kicked things off and didn’t look back. The reading started off slow, it being Sunday and the local hipster crowd did not make their way to the place until late afternoon. At least the early birds were treated to plate after plate of wonderful crazy bread.
Of course, reading this whole time was taxing, so I mixed things up a bit. At one point, I tapped out a few pages in Morse code, but that was awkward, as I had to continually refer to my reference book. I did a few sections in mime, and most of what I read from section three was done in a variety of voice impressions of celebrities or of just people I know.
Since I knew that the smell of the Captain’s pizza would drive me crazy, I anticipated taking a few breaks to enjoy his superb Mediterranean veggie pizza. I had recorded myself reading the text. So whenever I felt the urge for a slice, I played the recording. I was going to lip sync to my recording of the text, like Stewart Home did at a recent event with Wu Ming, but unfortunately I did not get a chance.
But I did get the opportunity to use my Punch and Judy dolls to re-enact scenes from the novel. They proved immensely popular with the afternoon crowd, but the hipsters who came in the late evening did not appreciate the dolls at all. Fortunately, my friend Grant Wright interrupted the performance by involuntarily lunging at the stage and vomiting over Punch and Judy (and, believe it or not, only hitting my shoes). This helped to cut the tension, and things went smoothly from thereon in.
Later that evening, Stilts and A.J. from Descending Light Explosion dropped by with some gear and busted out some funky beats. At this point I took a bit of a break while the duo did a great call and response bit. They would read a line from the book and the audience would shout back “oh my god, that’s some funky shit!”
Throughout the day people came in and out of the shop, picking up pizza and stopping to listen as well. The last few hours, when DLE showed up, things really kicked into high gear until the Captain kicked us all out just after midnight. We were short of the twelve hours, but, in the end, that just did not matter.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Can't Run Forever

As I was not invited to the Vancouver Writer’s Festival, I decided to contribute a number of performances to the Delusional Writer’s Imagined Performance Series. The first work was a performance of my rap-opera tribute to Steve Fonyo, 'Can’t Run Forever'. This has been a passion of mine for over 10 years and it was great to see it all come together at the Spitzer Masonic Hall staff room on Saturday night. I want to give a special shout out to Jerry Schroeder for allowing me to adapt his novel into this rap opera and for helping to make this production a reality. Of course, a shout out to the man, SF, for all his troubles, peace.

Production-wise, the stage is sparse, just myself as MC plus Descending Light Explosion providing the back beats. I do a couple of costume changes and some dancing but otherwise it’s a minimalist rap monologue performance piece.

A decent crowd was assembled in the room when the funky beats of Descending Light Explosion rocked the place and I came out to deliver the opening lines:

I do it like I does in the old days

I do it like I does in the old ways

I kicks it like I does in the days of Steve Fonyo

At the end of the first act, I do an 18-minute beat box routine to give the band a break. Unfortunately, they used this time to take some mushrooms that started to kick in during the second act. They needed to take a short two-hour break to work some things out. We kept the vibe going by handing out pakoras while Jim Bowen entertained the crowd with some killer lip syncing. He kicked off with Love Gun by Kiss, before moving to more appropriate material such as De la Soul’s Buddy and Ya Mama by Pharcyde.

We were finally able to get the final act going just after midnight when I turned on the smoke machine and came out to deliver an imaginary monologue by Fonyo:

I’m not retarted, I’m just broken hearted

‘cause I did it and I’m forgotten

not like that other guy, what’s his name

Here’s the story, I gots the guts and he gots the glory

By this time, the crowd was cheering, breaking down in tears, throwing cheese. I looked out into the crowd and saw a young man holding up his iPhone and recording the concert. He gave me a big smile and a thumbs up and right then I knew we were doing something special.

Next up is my 12-hour reading of de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom, '12 Hours of Sodom', at Captain's Sub & Pizza Shack on Kingsway.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Black Wurm Gism - An interview with David Mitchell

I had a chance to talk with Dave about his latest work, Songs of the Black Wurm Gism. Here is an excerpt:

I also invented something called ‘insect porn’ – by that I don’t mean I created a literal niche in the pornography market. I mean I found a useful metaphor that I could use to link Lovecraft with Burroughs. The basic thinking behind it stems from a reading of Theweleit’s book Male Fantasies which is really about the symbols of ‘horror’ and ‘loathing’ prevalent in western society. They are almost universally based on a fear of the feminine, the chaotic. And suddenly a lot of things became clear. The ‘monsters’ in both HPL and Burroughs tend to be biomorphic representations of a deep insecurity, an almost pathological misogyny on a subconscious level. In both writers, the images of disgust tend to be fixated in insects, cephalopods, molluscs, etc., all of which are part of the ‘teaming substrata of the biosphere’.

I also have a strong dislike of pornography, not based on any ideological or moral outlook, but a sincere revulsion for most of it. I remember seeing Brian Sewell once being interviewed and when he was asked if he thought pornography degraded women, he replied; “It does if it’s any good.” LOL

So – ‘insect porn’ – (which I’m going to take further into my own writings as a recurring motif) – ‘the result of an invading intelligence, non-organic possibly, attacking human life at the sexual root, by diverting the sex instinct into non-biological channels. The fixation of sexual desire is diverted from the sexual organs and into the alimentary canal. Mouth. Anus. Perhaps there is a parasite that wishes to transmit itself from host to host and uses the sexual organs of one host to pass into the digestive tract of another host.’ Nasty stuff, but it also opens up possibilities for a lot of black and scatological humour.

Yowsa! You can check out the full interview at the Index .

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Paraphilia Magazine Issue #4

Cover of Paraphilia Magazine Issue #4

Head over to Paraphilia Magazine to grab the latest issue. This one weighs in at a whopping 260 pages and features works by Jim Lopez, Michael K., Christopher Nosnibor, David Conway, Claudia Bellocq, and Stewart Home, to name a few. Don't be a chump - check it out!

Pssst - I have a story in there too, pass it on ...

Friday, July 31, 2009

I Was That Poet Almost Nobody Liked

Fuck me, I love these pictures. They are from Jerry Schroeder's latest work, I Was That Poet Almost Nobody Liked. The first image is the cover and the second image is the inside flap. The only thing I hate about them is that I didn't think of it first.

In the next month or two, I will post some samples from this work plus from his equally insane book, Symphony, on the website. In the meantime, check out this previous post on his Sorcery Tracks performance.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Parasite delayed

I have been working on a piece for D. Mitchell’s Parasite Regained and ironically have been infected by some sort of viral parasite. I believe it is an entity / curse / voodoo attack from a group of rose enthusiasts because I mocked their flower arrangements. Thus the updates have been slow to come.

Ahh, call me a Romantic, but I really do enjoy the delirium that comes with a high fever.

Monday, June 15, 2009

I'm an expert at ... what?!

I’ve been coming across the notion of expertise a lot lately, especially with Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers still riding high on the bestseller lists. The argument is that if you put 10,000 hours of deliberate practice into honing a particular skill set, you will have mastered that skill, or, in other words, become an expert.

Let’s crunch the numbers:
Over ten years = 1000 hrs/year = 2.75 hours a day (approx.) of practice
Over twenty years = 500hrs/year = 1.5 hours a day (approx) of practice
Over thirty years = 333hrs/year = just under 1 hour a day of practice
And so on.

Putting it into these terms depressed me, as I realized that after 41 years, the only thing I am an expert at is masturbation.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

My First Chuck Palahniuk Reading

I felt that I needed a bit of culture so I headed out to a Chuck Palahniuk reading at the Chapters Bookstore in Burnaby. I gave up going to readings years ago as I found most writers would weigh their words as if each one was precious, instead of just delivering the goods. Not to mention, what most wrote just bored me to tears. I want writing filled with violence, sex, violent sex, sexual violence, occultism (with both sex and violence) and a whole lot of head-fucking (postmodern? conspiracy?) theory. Basically, works that have no literary merit whatsoever.

So it was with some trepidation that I went to this event, but my mate, Michael W. convinced me to give it a go. I should point out that I like most of what Chuck has written. I was just worried that it would not translate well in performance. I knew the event was going to be big so I showed up early to stake my place. I’m glad I did. Wristbands had been distributed earlier for those rabid fans who wanted their books signed. Their dedication paid off as they were allowed into a little pen with chairs while the rest of us Prols had to stand around the perimeter. I had a great vantage point so I was happy.

Chuck came out and after a short intro kicked things off with a game. The game for this tour was simple. He had 100 inflatable pre-signed penguins which he threw out into the crowd. The first person to blow up their penguin would win a DVD of the movie Choke. This set the tone that things were not going to be taken too seriously. Just sit back and enjoy. There were two more rounds throughout the night.

The reading was great. The selections were not from his latest work Pygmy but were imaginary bedtime stories that would have been read to the protagonist of that book. These were twists on standard tales – Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Hansel and Gretel and Little Red Riding Hood. The style is a parody of a Stalinist propaganda tract, but as an awkward children’s story.

Here’s an example, I transcribed for Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

Case study operative - Family bear mammals
Existed once time, traditional heterosexual family unit composed - mother bear mammal, father bear mammal, offspring bear mammal. Existing as proletariat family, laboring for to bring total fruits much futures success to most glorious nation-state.

There are quite number of videos on YouTube, if you want to explore further. Sure, this type of thing has been done before, but I think he pulled it off.

There was also a Q&A session between a journalist and Chuck. Unfortunately, they got the most vacuous journalist imaginable. She is from the CBC, a typical example of what is wrong with institutionalize banality in the arts in Canada. She did not have a clue what she was talking about and asked some of the most inane questions that I’ve heard uttered from a so-called professional’s mouth. Palahniuk took it all in stride. He would twist whatever question around to what he wanted to talk about, in any case.

Both the reading and the talk were very engaging and funny, peppered with anecdotes and observations. He came across as intelligent and down-to-earth. However, I noticed that some around me were bored with the talking. At one point, when he was discussing how he had constructed the narrative for some of his novels, I overheard someone say “Is this English class?” Certainly, there was a portion of the crowd that were there only for the celebrity experience, to capture the spectacle on their cell phones, and not for the substance. Sure, this type of thing happens with any “name” performer. Maybe I don’t get out much, but I thought the event was a groove sensation.

After an hour and a half, I managed avoid the crush of people leaving the event, slipping out into the parking lot with an inflatable penguin in tow.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Blood Feast (a few quick observations)

I was re-watching Herschell Gordon Lewis’s Blood Feast last week on TV. It’s a classic low budget gore/slasher film from the early sixties – lots of blood, cannibalism, stilted acting, cheap camera work, pulp writing and occult themes. As I said, a classic.

Just a few meat observations:
1) Blood Feast contains this great line delivered by the mother after thwarting the sacrifice of her daughter on the kitchen table and discovering the catered food for the party was human flesh – “I guess we’ll have to eat hamburgers for dinner tonight.” Makes me laugh every time.

2) The commercials that ran during this airing were for packaged meats and sausages. I don’t normally watch commercials but this pairing of content between movie and advertisements was wonderful. Ain't postmodernism fun!

While I dig Blood Feast, my fave so far is Gruesome Twosome (although the opening sequence to Something Weird is one of the creepiest bits I’ve seen.) I have not watched Wizard of Gore or the Gore Gore Girls yet, so ...

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Proposal for a Television Program

The program would be called "So You Didn't Want to Fuck Me?!" and could either be a separate program or an ongoing segment in an established show. The premise is simple - I surprise former crushes (both men and women) at their homes or work. I give them exactly 15 seconds to explain why they did not fuck me. When the timer is up, I blast an air horn in their face and scream "Too late for excuses, motherfucker!" I then spray the area and every one nearby with feces from a hose connected to a septic tank pumper truck. After that, I haul a deteriorating pig or sheep carcass into the room. I drop my pants and fuck the animal carcass screaming "I'd rather fuck this than you any day!" When I finish, I set the carcass on fire. We can use funky music for the soundtrack and also add a laugh track, if necessary.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

WeFunk Radio, dig?

Like to groove to the sweet bass riffs and phat beats of original funk and hip hop? Then get your ass over to


WeFunk Radio is a weekly radio show out of Montreal, Quebec, Canada. The shows combine the best hip hop, funk, R&B and soul, past and present, into two hours of awesome listening. From rare tracks to well-known classics, Professor Groove and DJ Static do an excellent job keeping things hoppin'.

Through the website, you can listen to past shows (roughly 400 as of this writing) and access the continuous radio stream (you can get this through itunes radio as well).

I've been listening to this show for years and have never been disappointed. Don't be a poindexter, shake that thang!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Pulp Find

Last week, I managed to find some pulps by women writers on the remainder tables. They are all reprints from Feminist Press, part of the Femmes Fatales series. The books are:

The Blackbirder by Dorothy Hughes
Bunny Lake is Missing by Evelyn Piper
Laura by Vera Caspary
Women’s Barracks by Tereska Torres

I am not familiar at all with women’s pulp writing, so I am really happy with this find. They look great - lurid covers and good quality production. I will blog more when I read them, so I can spread the word a bit.

If anyone has any other suggestions of women pulp writers that I can explore further, please drop me a line.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Bonging Hell's Belly

This performance by The Emetics (Kedrick james and Doni Scob) is from Fake Jazz Wednesdays at the Cobalt Hotel in Vancouver, October 17, 2007. They live up to their name with this closing number. Good times!

Check out their website at Discipline of Chaos. There's more fun than you can shake a stick at!

Thursday, May 07, 2009

No Pity

Here's a promo video for Stewart Home's short story collection, No Pity published way back in 1993. It's got skinheads, dolly birds, minor sploshing, shrimping and union jack apparel. What more do you want?!

While you're at it, check out Stewart Home's website at www.stewarthomesociety.org. It's packed with groovy articles on art, writing, politics and more. Come on, you know you want to ...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Paraphilia Magazine Issue 2

Just a quick note:

Paraphilia Magazine has just hit the stands. Haven't had a chance to read it yet but to judge from a quick skim, it looks great. Please go to www.paraphiliamagazine.com for a pdf copy.

Don't be a chump, it's free!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Bathrooms are ...

"Bathrooms are for fucking, shitting and fighting, in that order."

First line of an abandoned pulp/parody I was writing years ago. Who knows? It may see the light of day yet ...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Re: my previous blog post -

“If we don’t read the books with which we carefully line our apartments, then we’re no better than our dogs and cats.”

Terrence McKenna attributes this to William James in his talk “Surfing Finnegan’s Wake”. (Although, I couldn’t find any other attribution for this.) That said, the quote does embody a wonderful Victorian attitude, doesn’t it.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

My Personal Reading Challenge; or My own Fire Sale (literally)

I have a new goal: To read my entire book collection before my 50th birthday or the whole lot goes up in flames. That’s right, burn the whole collection if I don’t get off my ass and finally read these things that have been hanging around my place, in some cases for 25 years. I’m addicted to my books. I collect them, I don’t read them. So I decided to give myself some serious motivation.

I have nine years. This should be plenty of time. I’ve done some rough calculations and I have approximately 350 books left to read. Which works out to about 38 books per year. Say one a week, give or take. Some I should be able to blaze through, like Jim Thompson, Chester Himes, and R. Crumb. Unfortunately, I have the Hypnerotomachia Poliphili, Sartre’s Critique of Dialectical Reason and a bunch of William Vollmann, which will make it difficult to keep on schedule. Not to mention family and work and etc. and the fact that I continue to buy books. But I think I can adjust for all this.

Right now I’m reading the Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano with Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole and Information Bomb by Paul Virilio on deck. So let’s get this challenge underway. Well, maybe later. I’ve got lots of time.

Some books I've bought lately

No commentary. Just the list. See next blog posting as to why this is now an "issue".

Time for Revolution – Antonio Negri
Information Bomb – Paul Virilio
Galactic Pot Healer – Philip K. Dick
Lies, Inc – Philip K. Dick
Dictionary of the Esoteric - Neville Drury
Doc Savage Brand Of The Werewolf &
Fear Cay (Nostalgic Ventures edition)
Doc Savage The Red Spider (Nostalgic Ventures edition)
Her Magesties Secret Service – Ian Fleming
Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao – Junot Diaz
Radio Free Albemuth – Philip K. Dick
The Grifters – Jim Thompson
Poor People – William Vollmann
Celebration – Harry Crews
Scar Tissue – Harry Crews
Feast of Snakes – Harry Crews
Key of Solomon the King
In the Shadow of the Silent Majorities – Jean Baudrillard
Complete Richard Allen Vol 1 – Richard Allen

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Remembrance of Pranks Past

With April 1 just past, I became sentimental about some past pranks. A grade school favorite was to pour ground black pepper into my hand, tempt somebody to come closer to me, then throw the pepper into their face. Pure comedy gold.

Eventually, another opportunity came with the Vancouver Opera Society. They had an ad campaign for their production of Don Giovanni where the poster art of Don looked exactly like porn legend Ron Jeremy. My friend, Jerry, crafted a beautiful letter criticizing the VOS’s decision to actually cast Mr. Jeremy as Don in the production. This letter was mailed off to the VOS, newspapers, opera magazines, international opera houses and a local music store that was a supporter of the VOS. We wanted other defenders of culture to denounce this travesty of high art being tainted with the stench of porn. A class action suit was also hinted at. We received a few bewildered responses and a great correspondence with the owner of the local music store who got the joke. However, we could have pushed this one and didn’t. This was my first real prank on an outside target, so it suffered a bit from lack of experience and faulty execution.

Oddly enough, my most successful prank happened at work. I individually shrink wrapped everything on a coworker’s desk while she was on vacation. The response was great – a big yell of surprise when she realized what had happened, with coworkers crowding around the desk with astonished looks and giving their own theories of what happened. I walked past her desk to use the fax machine, poked my head through the crowd and said “Wow, that’s odd. Anybody see a fax for me?” before heading back to my desk. The IT guy had replaced the wallpaper on her computer with a picture of Will Smith and Martin Lawrence from Bad Boys as a calling card. When she saw the picture, the IT guy was blamed and I kicked up my feet to enjoy the festivities.

A funny aside, I shrink wrapped everything in plain view of others in the office, nodding and chitchatting to coworkers as I stood at her desk. However, at the reveal, these same coworkers were genuinely surprised and concluded that it was someone who worked the weekend shift (the prank came to a head on a Monday). The IT guy worked on the weekend (plus the new wallpaper) so all fingers pointed to him. He was cool with it as he achieved some notoriety.

Now, there is one I’ve been itching to do, but circumstances might make it too risky (I mean kinda dangerous!) at the moment. More later.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Paraphilia Magazine now available

Hey folks,
Paraphilia Magazine #1 is now available at www.paraphiliamagazine.com I've skimmed through it and have to say, it's fucking awesome. The first issue blew away any expectations I had. Please check it out. It's available as a free download so you have no excuses. Great work Dave and Dire and others.

Some disclosure - while I have a short story in this issue, I'm not acting as a shill. Honestly, this is a great introduction to some alternate/alternative ideas and artists.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Not my proudest moment

I once shit myself in public

It’s true. I was nearing the end of a successful night of drinking when the bar closed and there was the promise of another late night venue to continue the festivities. I went to relieve myself in an alley. As I was in a hurry, I tried to force the issue and … well … I REALLY did not expect THAT to happen.

While I stood there, pissing, warm shit in my pants, scenarios buzzed through my head. Since it was winter and I was wearing layers – underwear, long underwear, pants, - I decided that I would let this play out. I had places to go and hopefully people to meet.

So like a trooper, I went with it. Through a cab ride, a walk around the city searching for a place I increasingly realized did not exist, and a long cab ride back to the apartment. I did not do anything sooner about the situation because I did not want to let on what had happened. Preferring to sit and walk around in my own filth than to reveal this secret.

Good times.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

All Avant-Garde All the Time

I just rediscovered Ubuweb after forgetting about it for a couple of years. If you don’t know about it already, Ubuweb is a huge archive of avant-garde material; everything from L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E to Fluxus to Sound Poetry to on and on. It’s hard to articulate the scope of the site unless you check it out yourself, as in RIGHT NOW!


My goal is to work through as much of the site as I can before December 31 2009. Or before I go insane. Whichever comes first.

Go further ->