Really people I'm gone

I deleted my Facebook and MySpace pages two weeks ago. I did this for a variety of reasons, one being that a few mentally-ill acquaintances from my past had tracked me down. While the underlying reasons for deleting the accounts had been percolating for some time, it was essentially an impulsive act.

In any case, I did not anticipate what happened next - nobody noticed. Not a single one of my friends, so called, noticed that I was missing.

And then I had a vision. I had seen my future and it's not pretty. As an old man, I will die alone in my apartment to be discovered weeks later (by accident) among the filth, half-eaten by my dog. This is great. I have so much to look forward to now.

Paraphilia VI now available

Head on over to the Paraphilia website to grab the latest edition of Paraphilia Magazine. Lots of strangeness from Jim Lopez, Christopher Nosnibor, Richard Meade, Claudia Bellocq and Chris Madoch, to name a few. Ready, Set, Mutate.

Gun

Here's a micro-fiction piece that I've recently reworked :

One morning, Johnny brought his father’s shotgun to school for show and tell. The gun accidentally discharged, blowing off Billy's head as he sat in his desk at the front of the class. The laughter of the children quickly turned to screams of excitement or horror. This accident foreshadowed events thirty years later when he walked into his office and shot eight coworkers with a rifle. Afterwards, he sat at his desk, tidied his papers, and then shot himself in the temple with a .38 special. But this time, it was not an accident.

McKenna at the Psychedelic Salon

I've been grooving to a lot of Terence McKenna's talks lately, graciously provided by the Psychedelic Salon podcast. While I have some problems with McKenna's books, he really hits his stride in these lectures where the depth/breadth of his knowledge becomes apparent. (And I should add that there really is a whole mushroon load of McKenna there!) The archive also has audio files from other mind-benders, such as Timothy Leary, Robert Anton Wilson and Erik Davis.

Subscribing via iTunes is the easiest method to get the whole catalogue, although there are a number of subscription options. You can also get show notes from the website.

I've been listening to this podcast for a few years and each one is a real treat. Mutate now!

The Swine Flu: The Old Doctor's Prescription.

My old friend, a Doctor, of sorts, and hustler by trade had the opportunity to study the Swine Flu first hand. Here are his observations. Make of them what you will. I, myself, have no opinion. I am just happy that he is paying me in script to post his preliminary findings. In times of recession, Rx can be hard to come by and expensive.

The Swine Flu: What You Need to Know. The Old Doctor's Prescription.

The Old Doctor has a lot of patients/marks these days, so he'll give you the short version. Currently, Control Mechanisms within the humanoid population are in a panic about the swine flu. This panic seems a bit curious, given that the swine flu actually has a shorter duration and a lower mortality rate than the average flu bug. So, why the panic? Apparently, a significant part of this panic stems from the flu's apparent ability to rapidly mutate.
Well, The Old Doctor had the opportunity to experience the swine flu first-hand. Here's what he discovered. On day 2.5 of the peak flu experience, The Old Doctor woke up at 2 in the morning staring at a wall of what looked like human tissue. It was put to him that this was one visual representation of his meta-programming panel. It was further put to him that he here and now had the opportunity to reprogram or erase some deeply wired Circuit I-IV tape loops, something he proceeded to do. The Old Doctor got rid of or modified loops that were in place in him by as far back as the age of five, loops that he had never been able to dispense with even with the aid of LSD or psilocybin, loops which are very amenable with and indeed tie one into the mechanisms of Control. Ah, so that's what they really mean by mutation, and why it makes them nervous.

One of the commonly reported psychological symptoms of the swine flu is a feeling of emotional panic due to a sense of being under personal attack. If the mark, ahem, patient, deeply identifies his or her self, as many do, with robot programs locked in place by mid-adolescence, then such panic is no surprise when these programs come under potential threat. Certain aspects of Control have figured out the social threat that this virus poses and have induced this panic on a mass scale. Interestingly, most people who've actually had the swine flu can't see what the big deal is. Well, the real big deal is that it's an opportunity to reprogram oneself, one that is accessible to the entire humanoid population. It's a global brain change agent. The best damn bug experience The Old Doctor's had since he learned from the measles to time travel.
The Old Doctor's prescription? 1) GET THIS FLU. 2) FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE.

Thank you for your time.

T.O.D.

Welcome all, now move along ...

Meet the new year, same as the old year.

But no worries, as these are some fun times. In this coming year, I'll be (hopefully) updating this blog at least weekly as well as developing a few other projects on the OI website. So hope to see y'all at the freak show.

Stay gold.

The Last Train - performance night at the RM Hotel

'The Last Train' was the final reading for the Delusional Writer’s Imagined Performance Series, which ran concurrently with the Vancouver Writer’s Festival. An excited crowd packed the executive meeting room in the Rocky Mountainview Hotel on Hastings for the festivities. This was the best turn out so far for the reading series. But the event was almost shut down before it started when our M.C., Gordon Jefferies, drank some mushroom tea and walked down the hall naked, gesticulating wildly and trying to convince anyone who would listen that he was noted news anchor Knowlton Nash. The management threatened to throw everyone out; at the very least break some legs to show that they meant business. They said that they ran a tight ship and this freak-out behaviour was scaring away the Johns.

With things settled down, the evening began with the extreme clown crew, Industrial Bondage, taking the stage to warm up the crowd. “Drop and give me 20 of your best!” a purple-haired Doc Ravage shouted into a megaphone while the rest of the crew led those in attendance through a calisthenics routine.

I took the stage next. I read from an unfinished novel that, for the event, I translated into a language that I had invented. The language itself consisted of fart noises, burps, clicks and hoots. After 45 minutes, I took a bow and walked off stage for a well-earned bevvy. .

Next was Art Kravan, who gave a spectacular performance. He began with a wonderful riff on Wordsworth with his poem – “I wondered lonely as a crowd”. A few minutes into his set, his face became distorted and he began to moan. Clutching his stomach, he dropped to the floor shouting “I’m going to shit my pants!” He rolled and writhed across the stage, hands clutching his ass. The custodian and the stage manager came out and dragged him off the stage to great applause.

Jack Raggotte followed with a performance of his latest epic poem dedicated to the life of George Oppen, which he read with a Kazoo in his mouth. After 25 minutes, he threw the instrument into the audience and said “That’s better. Let me continue without that thing making all that racket.” He pulled an air horn from his pocket and continued to read. Each time he spoke, he blew the air horn, deafening the first 10 rows of the audience and, of course, preventing anyone from hearing what he was saying. Which I think was for the best as this work is much weaker than his poetic tribute to Louis Zukofsky.

The evening ended with Descending Light Explosion performing an 82-minute sound poetry piece. The three-man group started a cappella with their extended tribute to sound poetry innovators, Four Horsemen. They brought in their beat boxes for the next few pieces, “Lather up and rock the steam seat”, “Honey Jo” and “Did the funky again.” Things hit high gear when the Emetics took the stage with the trio and created a funkadelic wall of noise and sound for DLE’s epic “What? Now? Hello Tricky!”.

Now, that was a great way to end the night.

Paraphilia Magazine Issue V now available!

Hot off the presses! The new issue of Paraphilia Magazine is now available. Read it online or download it at:

http://www.paraphiliamagazine.com/magazine.html

Don't be a chump - Get your copy today!

Panel Discussion Cancelled

We had set up a panel discussion called “Parade of Assholes 10 years on - Was this chapbook intellectually obsolete as soon as it was printed?” However, this event was cancelled due to lack of interest and attendance from the panel members and audience alike.

Interview with an Important Writer

I ran into Alex Morgan at the Vancouver Writer's Festival. He is well established on the literary scene with a number of books of poetry and fiction to his credit. I asked if I could quickly interview him and he said yes (well, after asking which publication it would be for. I said it was for the Internet. He said he had heard of the Internet and felt it was one of the most important publications around today.)

OI: Your new book of poetry, Songs of the Northern Sky, has just been published. I haven't read it yet but I understand it's getting great reviews.

AM: Yes, I am an important writer. My book of poetry has just been published by a prestigious publishing house. It has been reviewed in the Globe & Mail and the Quill & Quire. They called it an important work. My agent is a very well-connected person.

OI: What influences help to mold your writing?

AM: My writing is influenced by Modernism. I create work that is both highly artistic and pushes peoples conceptions of art. Critics recognize my work as an important contribution to Canadian letters. I sit on the boards of many literary councils where I'm well respected for my views on literature and art.

OI: And Modernism? Any comments?

AM: Modernism is a very important movement in letters. It has deeply influenced my writing.

OI: Who's your favorite Modernist writer?

AM: T.S. Eliot is my favorite poet. He is an important figure in English literature.

OI: Anyone else?

AM: I can't think of any others right now.

OI: You’ve said Henry Miller is a big influence on your work. How so?

AM: By opening up the boundaries of literature, so I can push those boundaries even further. I am very interested in contemporary writing.

OI: What is your favorite Henry Miller book?

AM: I've read Tropic of Cancer, or was it Tropic of Capricorn? I can't remember. I saw the movie Henry and June three times. Miller is a great influence for me. I always try to push the boundaries of art.

[At this point, a young man sat down at the table. We make introductions.]

AM: This is Tim Stanton, my protégé. Under my tutelage, he is going to be a very important writer. Tell him what you're working on now, Tim.

TS: I've just finished an epic poem. It is a homage to Basil Bunting. I am working on my Ph.D. at a prestigious university where I study under a number of well-known scholars. We have spent several years doing important work on the poet Basil Bunting.

AM: It's work like this that keeps Canadian writing vibrant. People look to important writers like us for direction.

OI: Any plans for the near future?

AM: I will be reading at the Metro Bank - Earle Birney Main Stage tomorrow. A lot of other important writers will be there. I know Joseph Boyden and Douglas Coupland. I know every important writer in this country. I create important works of literature.

OI: Do you like giving readings?

AM: Poetry readings are the high point of cultural expression. It serves an important function for the community and allows me to make public my works. I've read with many other important writers.

OI: Like who?

AM: I can't remember whom right now, but they were very important and have had quite an influence on me.

OI: Are you working on a new book?

AM: Yes, it's a novel set in Vancouver called On the Edge. It is a cross between Ulysses and the Jerry Cornelius saga. It will be very cutting edge. I always try to push the boundaries of art.

TS: This new work will definitely take Canadian letters to a new level. Alex, we have to be running. The reading at the Ford Main Stage will be starting in fifteen minutes.

OI: Who is reading there tonight?

AM: I'm not sure, but the tickets were nearly $100 each. We have front row seats. There will be several agents from the top publishers there.

OI: Thank you very much for taking time to talk to me.

AM: The pleasure was all yours.

12 hours of Sodom

Continuing my contribution to the Delusional Writer’s Imagined Performance Series running concurrently with the Vancouver Writer’s Festival, I did an extended performance at Captain’s Sub & Pizza shop called ‘12 Hours of Sodom’. This was a 12-hour reading from de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom. At 1pm, I kicked things off and didn’t look back. The reading started off slow, it being Sunday and the local hipster crowd did not make their way to the place until late afternoon. At least the early birds were treated to plate after plate of wonderful crazy bread.

Of course, reading this whole time was taxing, so I mixed things up a bit. At one point, I tapped out a few pages in Morse code, but that was awkward, as I had to continually refer to my reference book. I did a few sections in mime, and most of what I read from section three was done in a variety of voice impressions of celebrities or of just people I know.

Since I knew that the smell of the Captain’s pizza would drive me crazy, I anticipated taking a few breaks to enjoy his superb Mediterranean veggie pizza. I had recorded myself reading the text. So whenever I felt the urge for a slice, I played the recording. I was going to lip sync to my recording of the text, like Stewart Home did at a recent event with Wu Ming, but unfortunately I did not get a chance.

But I did get the opportunity to use my Punch and Judy dolls to re-enact scenes from the novel. They proved immensely popular with the afternoon crowd, but the hipsters who came in the late evening did not appreciate the dolls at all. Fortunately, my friend Grant Wright interrupted the performance by involuntarily lunging at the stage and vomiting over Punch and Judy (and, believe it or not, only hitting my shoes). This helped to cut the tension, and things went smoothly from thereon in.

Later that evening, Stilts and A.J. from Descending Light Explosion dropped by with some gear and busted out some funky beats. At this point I took a bit of a break while the duo did a great call and response bit. They would read a line from the book and the audience would shout back “oh my god, that’s some funky shit!”

Throughout the day people came in and out of the shop, picking up pizza and stopping to listen as well. The last few hours, when DLE showed up, things really kicked into high gear until the Captain kicked us all out just after midnight. We were short of the twelve hours, but, in the end, that just did not matter.

Can't Run Forever

As I was not invited to the Vancouver Writer’s Festival, I decided to contribute a number of performances to the Delusional Writer’s Imagined Performance Series. The first work was a performance of my rap-opera tribute to Steve Fonyo, 'Can’t Run Forever'. This has been a passion of mine for over 10 years and it was great to see it all come together at the Spitzer Masonic Hall staff room on Saturday night. I want to give a special shout out to Jerry Schroeder for allowing me to adapt his novel into this rap opera and for helping to make this production a reality. Of course, a shout out to the man, SF, for all his troubles, peace.

Production-wise, the stage is sparse, just myself as MC plus Descending Light Explosion providing the back beats. I do a couple of costume changes and some dancing but otherwise it’s a minimalist rap monologue performance piece.

A decent crowd was assembled in the room when the funky beats of Descending Light Explosion rocked the place and I came out to deliver the opening lines:

I do it like I does in the old days

I do it like I does in the old ways

I kicks it like I does in the days of Steve Fonyo

At the end of the first act, I do an 18-minute beat box routine to give the band a break. Unfortunately, they used this time to take some mushrooms that started to kick in during the second act. They needed to take a short two-hour break to work some things out. We kept the vibe going by handing out pakoras while Jim Bowen entertained the crowd with some killer lip syncing. He kicked off with Love Gun by Kiss, before moving to more appropriate material such as De la Soul’s Buddy and Ya Mama by Pharcyde.

We were finally able to get the final act going just after midnight when I turned on the smoke machine and came out to deliver an imaginary monologue by Fonyo:

I’m not retarted, I’m just broken hearted

‘cause I did it and I’m forgotten

not like that other guy, what’s his name

Here’s the story, I gots the guts and he gots the glory

By this time, the crowd was cheering, breaking down in tears, throwing cheese. I looked out into the crowd and saw a young man holding up his iPhone and recording the concert. He gave me a big smile and a thumbs up and right then I knew we were doing something special.

Next up is my 12-hour reading of de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom, '12 Hours of Sodom', at Captain's Sub & Pizza Shack on Kingsway.

Black Wurm Gism - An interview with David Mitchell

I had a chance to talk with Dave about his latest work, Songs of the Black Wurm Gism. Here is an excerpt:

I also invented something called ‘insect porn’ – by that I don’t mean I created a literal niche in the pornography market. I mean I found a useful metaphor that I could use to link Lovecraft with Burroughs. The basic thinking behind it stems from a reading of Theweleit’s book Male Fantasies which is really about the symbols of ‘horror’ and ‘loathing’ prevalent in western society. They are almost universally based on a fear of the feminine, the chaotic. And suddenly a lot of things became clear. The ‘monsters’ in both HPL and Burroughs tend to be biomorphic representations of a deep insecurity, an almost pathological misogyny on a subconscious level. In both writers, the images of disgust tend to be fixated in insects, cephalopods, molluscs, etc., all of which are part of the ‘teaming substrata of the biosphere’.

I also have a strong dislike of pornography, not based on any ideological or moral outlook, but a sincere revulsion for most of it. I remember seeing Brian Sewell once being interviewed and when he was asked if he thought pornography degraded women, he replied; “It does if it’s any good.” LOL

So – ‘insect porn’ – (which I’m going to take further into my own writings as a recurring motif) – ‘the result of an invading intelligence, non-organic possibly, attacking human life at the sexual root, by diverting the sex instinct into non-biological channels. The fixation of sexual desire is diverted from the sexual organs and into the alimentary canal. Mouth. Anus. Perhaps there is a parasite that wishes to transmit itself from host to host and uses the sexual organs of one host to pass into the digestive tract of another host.’ Nasty stuff, but it also opens up possibilities for a lot of black and scatological humour.



Yowsa! You can check out the full interview at the Index .

Paraphilia Magazine Issue #4

Cover of Paraphilia Magazine Issue #4

Head over to Paraphilia Magazine to grab the latest issue. This one weighs in at a whopping 260 pages and features works by Jim Lopez, Michael K., Christopher Nosnibor, David Conway, Claudia Bellocq, and Stewart Home, to name a few. Don't be a chump - check it out!

Pssst - I have a story in there too, pass it on ...

I Was That Poet Almost Nobody Liked

Fuck me, I love these pictures. They are from Jerry Schroeder's latest work, I Was That Poet Almost Nobody Liked. The first image is the cover and the second image is the inside flap. The only thing I hate about them is that I didn't think of it first.

In the next month or two, I will post some samples from this work plus from his equally insane book, Symphony, on the website. In the meantime, check out this previous post on his Sorcery Tracks performance.

Parasite delayed

I have been working on a piece for D. Mitchell’s Parasite Regained and ironically have been infected by some sort of viral parasite. I believe it is an entity / curse / voodoo attack from a group of rose enthusiasts because I mocked their flower arrangements. Thus the updates have been slow to come.

Ahh, call me a Romantic, but I really do enjoy the delirium that comes with a high fever.

I'm an expert at ... what?!

I’ve been coming across the notion of expertise a lot lately, especially with Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers still riding high on the bestseller lists. The argument is that if you put 10,000 hours of deliberate practice into honing a particular skill set, you will have mastered that skill, or, in other words, become an expert.

Let’s crunch the numbers:
Over ten years = 1000 hrs/year = 2.75 hours a day (approx.) of practice
Over twenty years = 500hrs/year = 1.5 hours a day (approx) of practice
Over thirty years = 333hrs/year = just under 1 hour a day of practice
And so on.

Putting it into these terms depressed me, as I realized that after 41 years, the only thing I am an expert at is masturbation.

My First Chuck Palahniuk Reading

I felt that I needed a bit of culture so I headed out to a Chuck Palahniuk reading at the Chapters Bookstore in Burnaby. I gave up going to readings years ago as I found most writers would weigh their words as if each one was precious, instead of just delivering the goods. Not to mention, what most wrote just bored me to tears. I want writing filled with violence, sex, violent sex, sexual violence, occultism (with both sex and violence) and a whole lot of head-fucking (postmodern? conspiracy?) theory. Basically, works that have no literary merit whatsoever.

So it was with some trepidation that I went to this event, but my mate, Michael W. convinced me to give it a go. I should point out that I like most of what Chuck has written. I was just worried that it would not translate well in performance. I knew the event was going to be big so I showed up early to stake my place. I’m glad I did. Wristbands had been distributed earlier for those rabid fans who wanted their books signed. Their dedication paid off as they were allowed into a little pen with chairs while the rest of us Prols had to stand around the perimeter. I had a great vantage point so I was happy.

Chuck came out and after a short intro kicked things off with a game. The game for this tour was simple. He had 100 inflatable pre-signed penguins which he threw out into the crowd. The first person to blow up their penguin would win a DVD of the movie Choke. This set the tone that things were not going to be taken too seriously. Just sit back and enjoy. There were two more rounds throughout the night.

The reading was great. The selections were not from his latest work Pygmy but were imaginary bedtime stories that would have been read to the protagonist of that book. These were twists on standard tales – Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Hansel and Gretel and Little Red Riding Hood. The style is a parody of a Stalinist propaganda tract, but as an awkward children’s story.

Here’s an example, I transcribed for Goldilocks and the Three Bears.


Case study operative - Family bear mammals
Existed once time, traditional heterosexual family unit composed - mother bear mammal, father bear mammal, offspring bear mammal. Existing as proletariat family, laboring for to bring total fruits much futures success to most glorious nation-state.


There are quite number of videos on YouTube, if you want to explore further. Sure, this type of thing has been done before, but I think he pulled it off.

There was also a Q&A session between a journalist and Chuck. Unfortunately, they got the most vacuous journalist imaginable. She is from the CBC, a typical example of what is wrong with institutionalize banality in the arts in Canada. She did not have a clue what she was talking about and asked some of the most inane questions that I’ve heard uttered from a so-called professional’s mouth. Palahniuk took it all in stride. He would twist whatever question around to what he wanted to talk about, in any case.

Both the reading and the talk were very engaging and funny, peppered with anecdotes and observations. He came across as intelligent and down-to-earth. However, I noticed that some around me were bored with the talking. At one point, when he was discussing how he had constructed the narrative for some of his novels, I overheard someone say “Is this English class?” Certainly, there was a portion of the crowd that were there only for the celebrity experience, to capture the spectacle on their cell phones, and not for the substance. Sure, this type of thing happens with any “name” performer. Maybe I don’t get out much, but I thought the event was a groove sensation.

After an hour and a half, I managed avoid the crush of people leaving the event, slipping out into the parking lot with an inflatable penguin in tow.

Blood Feast (a few quick observations)

I was re-watching Herschell Gordon Lewis’s Blood Feast last week on TV. It’s a classic low budget gore/slasher film from the early sixties – lots of blood, cannibalism, stilted acting, cheap camera work, pulp writing and occult themes. As I said, a classic.

Just a few meat observations:
1) Blood Feast contains this great line delivered by the mother after thwarting the sacrifice of her daughter on the kitchen table and discovering the catered food for the party was human flesh – “I guess we’ll have to eat hamburgers for dinner tonight.” Makes me laugh every time.

2) The commercials that ran during this airing were for packaged meats and sausages. I don’t normally watch commercials but this pairing of content between movie and advertisements was wonderful. Ain't postmodernism fun!

While I dig Blood Feast, my fave so far is Gruesome Twosome (although the opening sequence to Something Weird is one of the creepiest bits I’ve seen.) I have not watched Wizard of Gore or the Gore Gore Girls yet, so ...

Proposal for a Television Program

The program would be called "So You Didn't Want to Fuck Me?!" and could either be a separate program or an ongoing segment in an established show. The premise is simple - I surprise former crushes (both men and women) at their homes or work. I give them exactly 15 seconds to explain why they did not fuck me. When the timer is up, I blast an air horn in their face and scream "Too late for excuses, motherfucker!" I then spray the area and every one nearby with feces from a hose connected to a septic tank pumper truck. After that, I haul a deteriorating pig or sheep carcass into the room. I drop my pants and fuck the animal carcass screaming "I'd rather fuck this than you any day!" When I finish, I set the carcass on fire. We can use funky music for the soundtrack and also add a laugh track, if necessary.