Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Not my proudest moment

I once shit myself in public

It’s true. I was nearing the end of a successful night of drinking when the bar closed and there was the promise of another late night venue to continue the festivities. I went to relieve myself in an alley. As I was in a hurry, I tried to force the issue and … well … I REALLY did not expect THAT to happen.

While I stood there, pissing, warm shit in my pants, scenarios buzzed through my head. Since it was winter and I was wearing layers – underwear, long underwear, pants, - I decided that I would let this play out. I had places to go and hopefully people to meet.

So like a trooper, I went with it. Through a cab ride, a walk around the city searching for a place I increasingly realized did not exist, and a long cab ride back to the apartment. I did not do anything sooner about the situation because I did not want to let on what had happened. Preferring to sit and walk around in my own filth than to reveal this secret.

Good times.

4 comments:

Mister Trippy said...

Now that is very bad for your skin, you could end up with 'bed sores'... really not recommended!

Reverend Michael Roth said...

Actually, it was worse for the pants!

Mister Trippy said...

Did you throw them away, wash them, or sell them to a collector of used panties?

Rev. Michael Roth said...

I should have sold them! I wish I had you as a business advisor. In fact, the following day I had a potential buyer lined up. I was cruised by a well-dressed business man who thought I was a piece of rough trade. Instead of jumping into a cab, I really should have presented him with the pants and a bill.